Friday, June 21, 2002

What the hell? I just posted something and blogger ate it. I'd type it again, but I'm pissed off now. I'll get to it later. All I'll say is that I'm so wired on coffee that I'm levitating.

Tuesday, June 18, 2002

I have not taken a single step toward losing weight yet. I really, really need to. I am desperate. I have the most disgusting pair of sneakers and no real gym clothes, so I just look like this ragamuffin slob. I at least need some proper footwear. I will make the time to do just that this weekend.

I doubt a single soul has ever seen this website, but if so, and you happen to have any information on the University of Phoenix online (preferably a student or graduate), can you please email me and tell me about it? I am seriously considering it because I don't think I can actually attend classes and I'd get more out of it than in a classroom setting. Thanks.

I am looking forward to actually getting my degree. The only bad thing is with getting married next year, this may be a bad time. I just want to do this before I have a baby. Or babies. Who knows.

Which reminds me, my sister said the strangest thing to me the other day on the phone. She said, "I'm surprised you haven't accidentally gotten pregnant yet." What is that all about?!? My mother said that she's just trying to get a rise out of me, but for chrissake, the woman is 33 years old. She's had my entire childhood to torment me and set my fragile emotions in a tailspin. She was a very cruel sister. And still can be. Now that I'm getting married she sees me more as a human, but still desperately wants to compete. She doesn't care if she draws blood. But there's nothing I can do, because I'm seen as the bad guy when I defend myself, and I don't want it to affect my relationship with my neice (5) and nephew (2). She is soaking it up, as she tends to step all over my parents as well. They feel even more strongly about doing anything to maintain their relationship with their grandchildren, but my mother is reaching the breaking point. However, things have calmed down since my engagement and while my sister tends to forget that she was born of someone other than her in-laws (who are ridiculous and unreasonable people, and she agrees on this judgment, which makes it even more offensive), they've seen each other more often than usual.

So here's my to do list:

- Lose lots of weight, and really tone up my middle, thighs and arms.
- Buy a nice outfit. I consistently look disgusting because I don't like anything I own.
- Go back to school.

Thursday, June 06, 2002

Why, oh why do my future in-laws refer to themselves as "Mr." and "Mrs." around me? I just received an email from his mother, signed as "Mrs." I should have signed my name as "Ms." Soon enough, I'll be able to sign my emails and cards with her same name. Then what, punk bitch? That'll show her. I'm totally kidding. She gets on my nerves sometimes, but she's a good woman. She just seems to really be resisting my change from "girlfriend" to "daughter-in-law", though her participation in wedding preparations is starting to gather steam slightly (to sum it up, we've been receiving tons of little, useless, cutesy gifts and the occasional minor suggestions). His parents like me, that's not a question - it just feels formal and I feel like they should be making an effort to make me a part of their family. I mean, they are, but formality just creeps in and leaves a sort of bad taste in my mouth. Am I overreacting to this? Probably. Can I help it? I should learn to.

Sushi was the bomb last night. The company was just as good. Still thrilled for LA. I'm dedicated to losing some weight, too. I'm feeling less horrified by the sight of myself, but I do have work to do, that's for sure.